Sunday, March 7, 2010

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

This is my new motto: ENOUGH ALREADY! I say it to my kids all the time, and now I'm learning to say it to myself. The closet that needs to be cleaned, the exercise routine that needs to be started, the letter that needs to be written, and the very neglected BLOG that desperately needs to be updated (among dozens of other things I'm not getting to!). ENOUGH ALREADY, BERE! JUST DO IT!

You see, I have this horrible vice in my personality that I'm about to confess. If it's not perfect (or close to it), then I don't do it or I give up trying to do it (it's part of my OCD tendencies that I'm constantly battling with). Example: A few weeks ago, I realized that I was not drinking enough water, so I decided to fill up my very own water bottle and set it on the counter every day. With this water bottle, I could measure out how much water I wanted to drink in one day and thus meet my goal. Enter Ziya. She decided that she also needed to drink out of my water bottle. I didn't know how much water she drank so I didn't know how much I was really getting either. So... I stopped trying altogether and went back to drinking my minimal amounts of water! Dumb, I know. Don't worry, I realized how dumb this was and quickly got over it and am pleased to announce that I am now drinking plenty of water. But not before the experience made me think about how I do this with a lot of things in my life:
  • oh no, I broke down and ate 10 graham crackers and a granola bar for breakfast so I might as well eat junk for the rest of the day! This has gotten even worse: I'm so, so far from my eating and weight loss goals that it's hardly worth the effort to try at all.
  • I don't have time or energy to read my scriptures for 30 minutes, cross referencing and studying from a manual and writing about what I learn in my journal... so my scripture reading efforts have very sadly been minimal.
  • I don't have time to jog and lift weights and do pilates all in one day like I used to, so I just won't do any of it!
  • I don't have a perfect family picture. I don't know how to put a cute background on my blog and digitally scrapbook a bunch of cute stuff to put on it, not to mention the fact that I'm about seven months behind and have missed posting some huge, huge happenings and changes in our lives! So I'll just keep putting it off since I'll never be able to get caught up anyway.
I know, I know. Stupid Satan. He is written all over these lame excuses. You're not good enough. Why even try? I'm sick of it and I'm sick of him. ENOUGH ALREADY!

My ever-wise husband is very patient with this vice of mine. He lovingly and gently reminds me that there is a time and a season for all things. Just the other day, he reminded me of an institute teacher who told us that his wife used to read her scriptures on the toilet when her kids were young because that was all she could manage at the time. I kind of scoffed at the example, but now that I've given it some more thought, I'm going to get up right now and put some scriptures in my bathroom.

I demand a lot of myself. I think that I will always demand a lot of myself -- it's just part of who I am. The part I want to change is that I want to be more patient and forgiving of myself. Even if it can't be perfect, I want to die trying (a bit melodramatic, I know).

So ENOUGH ALREADY. Perfect or not, I'm back!!!
I remember Ms. Novinger, my junior high English teacher, taught me that you can never know what you think until you write it down. Now I know what I think and I know what I need to work on - line upon line and precept upon precept. I'm almost embarrassed to click on the "publish post" button because I've divulged some pretty silly stuff about myself. Oh well. I'm not perfect. I guess none of us are perfect. But ENOUGH of that ALREADY!

11 comments:

Stephanie Waite said...

So Nice to see you back Bere! I hope you keep posting even if you don't have photos. It is nice to see how you are doing and I love seeing your kiddos.

I guess I like to see the little girls of my friends that were born days apart from Camille. And it is fun that our baby boys are also so close in age too.

Love you guys and miss you!
Stephanie

EvaMarieva said...

Welcome back. We have missed seeing your updates but do understand the no time and stress :)

Take care and I love the motto!

-Eva

Thomas Family said...

So glad to see you back. We missed you! :) And it's nice to know that you're just like the rest of us..NOT PERFECT. :) Can't wait to see the future updates!

Chelsey said...

I'm so glad you're back too! I love the post. Maybe all of us women are like that a little, I know I sure can relate to what you wrote. Hope you're liking Rathdrum and your new home. I wish I was closer.

robin marie said...

keep on pushing along! life often gets me down and i have a hard time remembering to enjoy the now - i know you can do it!

krista at reddirtretreats said...

oh I just loved your post. I can relate! I avoid blogs because of the guilt they cause me, but I just couldn't resist the link at the bottom of your email today ;o) I sure do love and miss you!

munyer jerk chicken said...

thanks for all the love everyone! it's tuesday night and already, my motto is working!

Krista Jones said...

Berenice! I followed you here via Amy and Rich's blog! I'm glad you and your beautiful family are doing well!

Krista

Unknown said...

Welcome back Berenice! We all miss you guys and think you are terrific! And NO you are not the only one that does this, why are we all so hard on ourselves? Not cool.

PS - Michael is always talking about how you did such a great job managing the apartments here in Kenai. lol!

-Rachel said...

You really are too hard on yourself Bere, you know plenty of women feel inedequate when they compare themselves to you (like yours truly) I'm glad you're giving yourself some slack. I agree Satan wins if he can keep us feeling discouraged it's one of those oppisite from faith feelings.
Miss You!

Jacob's Mom said...

Hi Daughter-in-law,

You are a awesome mother!
I love you.